The Comfortable Lie That Will Keep You Stuck in 2026

Let me tell you about a lie so comfortable, so widely accepted, that questioning it feels almost rude.

The lie goes like this: Real change happens slowly. Start small. Be gentle with yourself. One percent better every day. Tiny habits. Atomic improvements. Don't push too hard or you'll burn out.

It sounds reasonable. It feels kind. It sells millions of books. And it keeps coaching clients paying month after month, year after year, without ever actually transforming.

I've spent my life testing a different theory.

After 30 years of pushing my own limits in sports, martial arts, and fitness, I observed something that contradicts the mainstream advice. As a strength and conditioning coach for over 15 years, I saw it confirmed with every client who achieved real transformation. Building and selling two successful businesses, including a health club that consistently ranked in the top three in Montreal for years, taught me the same lesson in a different arena. Fifteen years of Fortune 50 sales leadership at Microsoft and Dell reinforced it again. And now, as a leadership performance consultant, certified leadership coach, CBT therapist, and NLP Master Practitioner, I see the same pattern play out in professional and personal transformation.

The pattern is this: small incremental changes, under the guise of "sustainability," are a losing strategy.

Full commitment is what works. Not because it's macho or hardcore, but because committed effort produces visible results faster. And visible results are the only real motivation to keep going.

Seeing is believing. When you SEE change in your body, your energy, your performance, your results, you BELIEVE change is possible. That belief fuels more effort. More effort creates more visible change. And suddenly there's a widening gap between who you were and who you're becoming. That gap, felt and seen, is what makes transformation stick.

This isn't just my experience. The science is on my side. And what the research shows will surprise you because it directly contradicts almost everything the self-help industry tells you.

The Seductive Math That Doesn't Add Up

James Clear's Atomic Habits has sold over 15 million copies. Its central promise is elegant: get 1% better every day and you'll be 37 times better in a year.

The math is seductive. The philosophy is comforting. But here's what it misses: changes so small they're "impossible to fail" are also too small to notice. And what you can't notice, you can't sustain.

Think about it. If you're trying to transform your body, your career, your life, and after two weeks of effort, nothing feels different, nothing looks different, nothing is different, then what happens to your motivation?

It evaporates. Not because you're weak. Because you're human. We need evidence that our efforts are working. Invisible progress isn't motivating, it's demoralizing.

The Research They Ignore

In 2014, researchers at the University of Melbourne published a landmark study in The Lancet Diabetes & Endocrinology, one of the world's most respected medical journals. Professor Joseph Proietto and his team directly tested the assumption that underlies virtually all mainstream advice: that slow, gradual change is more sustainable than rapid, intensive change.

They randomly assigned 200 participants to one of two programs. The first group followed a 12-week rapid program. The second followed a 36-week gradual program, three times longer. Both aimed for the same outcome.

The results? 81% of the rapid group achieved their target. Only 50% of the gradual group did.

Read that again. The intensive approach didn't just work a little better, it produced success rates that were over 60% higher. The "slow and steady" group, following conventional wisdom, was significantly less likely to succeed.

In an editorial responding to this study, Dr. Corby Martin and Professor Kishore Gadde of Pennington Biomedical Research Center wrote something remarkable. They compared the belief that gradual change is superior to the tortoise-and-hare fable, a children's story. Their point was sharp: we've been operating on folklore, not science. The fable says slow and steady wins. The data says otherwise.

The 5X Difference

The Melbourne study isn't an outlier. Research by Nackers, Ross, and Perri, published in the International Journal of Behavioral Medicine, tracked 262 women over two years. They categorized participants by how quickly they made progress in the first month: slow, moderate, or fast.

The findings were striking. The fast group achieved significantly better results at six months and at eighteen months. But here's the number that should change how you think about change:

The fast group was 5.1 times more likely to achieve and maintain meaningful long-term results.

Five times. Not 50% better. Not twice as good. Five times more likely to succeed.

Only 16.9% of the slow group achieved lasting success. In the fast group? 50.7%. The approach that every well-meaning coach and popular book tells you to follow makes you dramatically less likely to achieve the change you're after.

Why Visible Results Change Everything

The researchers offered an explanation: when people experience noticeable changes, changes they can see and feel, they become more motivated to maintain those changes. Visible progress is its own reward. It creates belief.

This aligns with what psychologist Albert Bandura established in his foundational 1977 research on self-efficacy, published in Psychological Review. Bandura identified the most powerful source of self-efficacy, your belief in your ability to succeed, as what he called "enactive attainment." In plain language: actually experiencing success.

His research showed that success raises self-efficacy, while failure lowers it. Each visible win builds confidence. Confidence increases persistence. Persistence produces more wins. It's an upward spiral, but only if you can see the wins happening.

Here's the problem with tiny, incremental changes: they don't generate enough visible success to shift your self-belief. The changes are too small to feel meaningful. The progress is too slow to sustain you through the inevitable hard days.

I call this the problem of motivation escape velocity. Just like a rocket needs enough thrust to escape Earth's gravity, your transformation needs enough early momentum to escape the gravitational pull of old habits. Small, tentative efforts never achieve this escape velocity. They remain trapped in orbit around your current identity, eventually falling back to familiar patterns.

Full commitment generates results fast enough to see. What you can see, you believe. What you believe, you sustain.

The Uncomfortable Truth About the Coaching Industry

There's a reason the "slow and steady" message dominates. It's not because it works. It's because it sells.

Think about the business model. Most coaching relationships are built on recurring revenue. The longer you stay, the more you pay. A philosophy that says "take it slow, be patient, real change takes years" is very convenient when your income depends on clients not graduating.

I'm not saying every coach is cynical. Most genuinely want to help. But the structure creates a problem: there's no financial incentive to help you transform quickly and move on with your life. A client who achieves real change in 90 days and leaves with a plan to continue on their own is "bad for business."

So the industry gravitates toward soft approaches. Be gentle. Don't push too hard. Small steps. The client feels supported. The client keeps paying. The client never quite transforms.

This is what I call cuddling psychology, it creates dependency, not transformation. It sells sympathy instead of results. It keeps people trying and failing, trying again and failing, instead of committing fully and succeeding.

My approach is different. I'd rather help you achieve real change, earn your referral, and build my reputation on results. Serving my clients fully serves my financial interest, through referrals and growing influence, not through keeping you dependent indefinitely. The math works differently when your currency is transformation, not sessions.

What's Actually True About Identity and Habits

Now, to be fair: James Clear got something important right. Identity is the deepest layer of behavior change.

Clear describes three layers: outcomes (what you get), processes (what you do), and identity (who you are). Most people set goals at the outcome level, "I want to lose 20 pounds”, or the process level, ”I'll go to the gym three times a week." But lasting change happens at the identity level: "I am someone who prioritizes health."

The word "identity" itself reveals this. It comes from the Latin “essentitas” (being) and “identidem” (repeatedly). Identity is "repeated beingness”, who you are through what you do, again and again.

Clear's insight that "every action is a vote for the type of person you want to become" is powerful and true. Identity-based motivation is one of the strongest drivers of human behavior. When your goals align with who you believe yourself to be, persistence becomes almost automatic.

The problem isn't the identity concept. The problem is the "tiny" execution.

Identity shift requires evidence. You need to see yourself acting as the new person consistently enough that the new identity becomes undeniable. Tiny actions don't create that evidence. They're too small to register as meaningful votes.

Full commitment creates visible evidence fast. You don't just tell yourself "I'm becoming someone who exercises”, you see it, feel it, live it. The identity shift happens because the proof is overwhelming, not because you accumulated invisible micro-changes over years.

Why Most Goals Fail, And What the Research Says Works

Let's look at the broader picture. Research consistently shows that traditional goal-setting fails spectacularly:

• Only 9% of people who set New Year's resolutions report successfully achieving them

• 23% quit in the first week

• 43% quit by the end of January

• 80% have given up by February

Strava's analysis of over 800 million activities identified January 19th as "Quitter's Day”, the point when most people abandon their goals. Dr. John Norcross's longitudinal research found that while 40% of resolution-makers maintain their goals at six months, only 19% sustain them at two years.

This isn't a willpower problem. It's a methodology problem.

What 35 Years of Research Actually Shows

Edwin Locke and Gary Latham's goal-setting theory is the most validated framework in motivational psychology and supported by over 1,000 studies across 35 years involving more than 40,000 participants in multiple countries and industries.

Their core finding contradicts the "be gentle" philosophy: specific, difficult goals consistently outperform vague or easy goals. Meta-analyses show effect sizes ranging from .42 to .82, these are substantial, reliable effects. A review of 83 independent studies found a 16% performance improvement when people set specific, challenging goals versus simply trying to "do their best."

Locke and Latham identified four mechanisms that explain why challenging goals work:

1. Direction: Goals focus attention on goal-relevant activities and away from distractions

2. Effort: Higher goals produce greater effort and we rise to the challenge

3. Persistence: Challenging goals extend effort over time

4. Strategy: Difficult goals trigger the discovery and use of task-relevant knowledge

But here's the critical caveat: the goal-performance relationship is strongest when commitment is high. Half-hearted pursuit of a challenging goal doesn't work. You need both the ambitious target AND the full commitment.

The Hidden Variable: Choosing the Right Goals

Full commitment to the wrong goal leads to burnout, not transformation. This is where Kennon Sheldon and Andrew Elliot's research on self-concordance becomes essential.

Self-concordance, as they defined it in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, measures the degree to which your goals align with your intrinsic interests and authentic values. It's not just about WHAT you pursue, it’s about WHY.

They identified four types of motivation, from least to most self-concordant:

1. External: "Someone else wants me to do this"

2. Introjected: "I'd feel guilty or ashamed if I didn't"

3. Identified: "I deeply identify with this goal's importance"

4. Intrinsic: "This is inherently interesting and meaningful to me"

Their research found that self-concordant goals, those driven by identified or intrinsic motivation, lead to greater goal attainment AND more lasting changes in well-being. This pattern held across American, Chinese, South Korean, and Taiwanese samples.

Even more compelling: they discovered an "upward spiral effect." Pursuing self-concordant goals leads to better attainment, which increases life satisfaction, which predicts greater self-concordance in selecting future goals. Success breeds success, but only when you start with goals that genuinely matter to you.

The practical implication is powerful: rating candidate goals for self-concordance before committing to them changes which goals people pursue. Taking time to examine WHY you want something, and eliminating goals driven by external pressure or guilt, dramatically improves your odds of success.

Bridging the Gap Between Wanting and Doing

Even with the right goals and full commitment, there's another obstacle: the intention-behavior gap.

Peter Gollwitzer's research revealed a sobering finding: strong goal intentions account for only 28% of the variance in actual behavior. The other 72% evaporates somewhere between "I want to" and "I did."

His solution, validated by a meta-analysis of 94 independent studies, is what he calls implementation intentions, specific if-then plans that link situations to actions. Instead of "I'll exercise more," you specify: "If it is Monday, Wednesday, or Friday at 6 AM, then I will put on my running shoes and go for a 30-minute run."

This isn't just planning but dedicated programming. The if-then structure creates a strong mental association between the situation and the action, so when the trigger occurs, the behavior follows almost automatically. The meta-analysis found a medium-to-large effect size (d = .65) across diverse domains.

Dr. Gail Matthews at Dominican University found that participants who wrote their goals, created specific action commitments, and sent weekly progress reports to an accountability partner achieved a 76% success rate, compared to 43% for those with unwritten goals. Writing, specificity, and accountability nearly doubled success rates.

Why Positive Thinking Backfires

Gabriele Oettingen's research at NYU uncovered a counterintuitive finding: positive visualization alone can actually undermine goal achievement. When you vividly imagine success, your brain experiences it as already accomplished, which reduces the motivation to act.

Her solution is Mental Contrasting with Implementation Intentions, operationalized as the WOOP framework:

• Wish: Define your specific, challenging goal

• Outcome: Vividly imagine the best result

• Obstacle: Identify your main internal obstacle

• Plan: Create an if-then plan to overcome it

The key is the contrast: you imagine success, then immediately confront the obstacle. This combination energizes action rather than creating complacency.

Values, Purpose, and the Right Frame

Research on values clarification shows that aligning behavior with personal values reduces anxiety and depression while increasing well-being. Discrepancies between what you value and how you behave predict distress.

The Japanese concept of ikigai, that which gives life worth and meaning, has received significant research attention. A meta-analysis in Psychosomatic Medicine found that high life purpose is associated with a 17% reduced risk of all-cause mortality and cardiovascular events. Purpose isn't just motivating, it is in fact life-saving!

Importantly, true ikigai isn't about finding the perfect career. A survey of 2,000 Japanese respondents found that only one-third considered work their ikigai. It's about daily purpose, meaningful actions that make life worth living. The question to ask yourself: "What would I do even if no one was watching or paying?"

Finally, research on approach versus avoidance goals shows that framing matters. Approach goals, which means moving toward desired outcomes, produce greater positive emotions and well-being than avoidance goals which means moving away from what you don't want. "Stop eating junk food" triggers threat responses. "Fuel my body with whole foods" activates reward systems. Same behavior, different psychology.

The Framework: Identity-Aligned Goal Architecture

Based on this research, I've developed a four-phase framework that integrates identity work, self-concordance testing, implementation intentions, and full commitment into a systematic approach to transformation.

Phase 1: EXCAVATE

Before setting any goals, understand who you are and who you want to become.

Annual Review: What went well this year? What didn't? What did you learn about yourself? How have you changed? What do you want to create next?

Values Clarification: Identify your core values across life domains: career, health, relationships, learning, contribution. Ask: If no one would ever know, what would I still pursue?

Identity Inventory: Complete these sentences: "I am the kind of person who..." "I am becoming the kind of person who..." "I refuse to be the kind of person who..."

Phase 2: ARCHITECT

Design goals that align with your identity and values.

Identity Statements: For each major life domain, define who you want to become, not what you want to achieve. "I am an athlete who moves daily." "I am a leader who develops others."

Self-Concordance Check: For each potential goal, ask: Is this driven by external pressure? By guilt? Or do I genuinely identify with it? Is it inherently meaningful? Eliminate goals that fail this test.

Approach Framing: Convert all avoidance goals to approach goals. "Stop procrastinating" becomes "Begin each day by completing my highest-priority task."

Phase 3: ENGINEER

Build the systems that bridge intention and action.

Implementation Intentions: For each major goal, create 3-5 specific if-then plans. "If it is 6 AM on a weekday, then I put on workout clothes and exercise for 45 minutes."

WOOP Protocol: For each goal, work through Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan. Identify your main internal obstacle and pre-plan how to overcome it.

Accountability Systems: Establish weekly tracking metrics. Find an accountability partner. Schedule regular self-reflection.

Phase 4: ACTIVATE

Execute with full commitment.

Commit Fully: Start with intensity sufficient to generate visible results within two weeks. This builds the self-efficacy necessary for sustained effort.

Track Identity Evidence: Focus on behaviors, not just outcomes. Each action is a vote for your new identity. Accumulate so many votes that who you're becoming becomes undeniable.

Quarterly Reviews: Every 90 days, assess progress, check alignment with values, and adapt as needed. Flexibility is strength, not weakness.

The 90-Day Truth

Here's what I've learned across 30 years of athletics, 15 years of coaching, two businesses, 15 years in corporate leadership, and now helping leaders transform:

90 days of full commitment beats years of half-measures.

Yes, full commitment is uncomfortable. Yes, it requires sacrifice. Yes, it means temporarily giving up the comfort of half-trying.

But that discomfort is temporary. The new normal comes faster than you think. And then you have something the "slow and steady" crowd never gets: proof. Proof that you can change. Proof that your efforts produce results. Proof that the person you wanted to become is the person you now are.

The research is clear. The experience of thousands of successful transformations confirms it. The comfortable lie of "tiny habits" and "be gentle with yourself" keeps you comfortable, and stuck.

Stop being gentle with goals that matter. Stop accepting invisible progress that leads nowhere. Stop paying for endless coaching that keeps you dependent instead of transformed.

Make 2026 the year you finally commit.

The APEX Leader Program™

In February 2026, I'm launching the APEX Leader Program™, a 90-day intensive transformation for mid-career leaders who are done dabbling.

This program integrates physical optimization, psychological mastery, and leadership development using the Identity-Aligned Goal Architecture framework. It's designed for people who are ready to be uncomfortable for 90 days to become someone different.

It's not for everyone. If you're looking for someone to tell you it's okay to take it slow, I'm not your coach.

But if you're ready to see what you're actually capable of, if you want to give yourself 90 days of continuous effort to discover the person you could become, I’d like to hear from you.

Because the only thing standing between who you are and who you want to be is the decision to fully commit.

Ready to go all in? Click the link below to learn more about the APEX Leader Program™ and apply.

Why "Slow and Steady" Is a Myth, And What Actually Works